Entry 038::After Ash Wednesday>>Moon Quincunx Pluto by Sade LaNay

Today’s randomly selected short fiction 1.17.1, from Aadoreehere’s the link. This time the sortilege sent me back to a text I read and posted on back in March, during an earlier phase of this website. I’ll interpret the apparently random turning of the literary wheel on this, the fourteenth station of my personal Via Legerosa, as a sign that I’ve reached the end of this cycle and perhaps the beginning of another.

Last time I excerpted from the first part of this piece — I’ve deemed it a fiction but it might more accurately be regarded as a poem — which concerns a tooth extraction. I had recently undergone such a procedure myself, and two days before reading LaNay’s text I’d read and quoted from a story by Salvatore Difalco called “The Teeth,” which begins: Arto awoke to discover that his upper two front teeth had fallen out during the night. This time I think the planchette is pointing at the second part of the story/poem.

Moon Quincunx Pluto an astrologer could tell me what it signifies but I don’t have one on call. same birthday as Jesse James & John Cage September the 5th, two days ago. anger is so indigestible maybe all emotion is indigestible it comes back up, the return of the repressed. what if my therapist is a ghost? Hamlet’s dead father, Lacan’s dead hand. I know my therapist is not a ghost denial. the temptation to doubt reality doubt is real, the real is dubious. it means nothing to tell my therapist the litany of awful things that have happened it makes you worthy of the ghost’s attention. it feels like reporting the weather to an open empty room I know a poet who improvises poetry aloud and alone in his empty house for hours at a time every day. maybe it’s scarier if you believe me if you take me seriously if you notice things about me if my feelings matter jouissance, the terror of desire fulfilled. because “what do you want from me?” is always going to be nagging me the therapist claims that what you demand is not what you desire. and it turns out that people are more interesting than I realized including yourself. where did this stream of water come from– does the therapist too specialize in extractions, in inflicting pain and administering painkillers, in composing six-gun soundtracks, in circling the hexagon and the square?

 

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